I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
