I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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