I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
