The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
