i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
