Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
