We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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