So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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