I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am available for nakedness
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
