it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
