when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
