my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
