bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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