For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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