Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
