There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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