the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
