This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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