the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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