Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
