none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
