Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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