i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am naked and annoyed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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