I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
