We named our party play list daddy issues
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have fence marks all over my body
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
