I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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