1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
