Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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