Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
