went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
