my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
