Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
