Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
