i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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