I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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