I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
