i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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