im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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