I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
