If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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