If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
