So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
