apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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