how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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