We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
