My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
