Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
