Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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