She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
