white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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