I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
