Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
