Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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