im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
