Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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