Sry I called you an 8
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
