Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
